Yesterday on the way to our date night, my husband and I were having a conversation about needing someone, or each other. It turned out to be quite the interesting conversation.
This topic started when I finally figured out that I didn’t have any data left on my phone. I was upset because it wasn’t letting me get more data on my own. I turned to him and said, “I can’t wait till we go back to the U.S. where I don’t need you for everything.” Of course, I had to go back and say I need you, but I don’t want to have to need you for everything. Oh, you know what I mean.
So then Aaron asked me, well how do you need me. There was an awkward pause, and then we both started laughing! I needed a minute to think about it and how to answer that question. At least he laughed with me.
My response to him was well…I need you to be my partner, to be a co-parent to our kids, to support me in the things I do, and to be a co-financial contributor to our family. I’m sure I had more, but you get the point. But I told him, the thing is I don’t need you for all of this, but I WANT you for all this.
I think that is the tricky part about marriage and relationships. In this day of age, it’s almost beaten in our heads that us, as women shouldn’t need a man. We should be independent and can do everything ourselves. I agree we should be able to take care of ourselves. But does it make me any less that I want my husband for everything?
For me, I think that is what makes the key to a marriage or relationship work. You have to want it. My dad taught me from a young age that it was all about choices. It’s easy for us to say we have fallen out of love, but every day we have to make a choice. We have to make a choice to love each other, the choice to want each other, the choice to talk and communicate, the choice to work on our marriage and relationship…get my drift?
Aaron and I talked about it today, and he thought my answer was good. He said, “I think that a lot of people struggle in relationships with this. There is a negative perception of needing someone. I like that you don’t necessarily need me, but if anything were to happen, you would be fine. But at the same time, being in a committed relationship you want that person to share things with you, to support each other.”
Aaron and I have a wonderful marriage. Do we want to ring each other’s necks sometimes? Of course! But we have respect for each other, and have conversations like this! It’s what keeps us going.